A Little About Me

I started this blog without a description of who I am. I am a quiet type person. I've been this way ever since I can remember. I've always had a hard time relating and talking with people. I never dated in high school, never went to the dances, and never went to the prom. I've always been extremely uncomfortable with groups. I've always felt like I was being judged and could never fit in or wasn't good enough. I spent all of my life this way. Well after about 4 years of work, I kind of had a breakdown. I managed to go to the doctor and they referred me to a psychologist. Since then I have been on different medications and referred to another psychologist after the first left the area. I have been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) and Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder(OCD). It's quite a combination to say the least. I'm having problems with my hubby and now with the other blog where I vented some feelings, there are problems with the in-laws. The big problem is that my hubby can't accept who I am. He is constantly wanting me to do things that I am just not comfortable with. I'm not comfortable with driving. The other people on the road just drive me nuts. I'm always self conscious about how they think of my driving and I know that I shouldn't be. Also, when he introduces me to someone, he gets irritated when I make an excuse to leave. I'm sorry, but I have never been one for small talk. I feel like an idiot just standing there trying to think of something to say. And that's what the big blowup was on my other blog. I was irritated with him and wrote some things. Yes, I knew there was a possibility of his mom finding it but I wasn't worried cause I thought that I had them understanding things, but I guess not. I can't help it that I'm not comfortable around them. I can't help it that I feel like an idiot smiling like there is nothing wrong, when inside I am wanting to just get away because I can't deal with the situation. Anyway, I'm not worried if she's upset with me or not. My hubby is constantly upset with me and I'm getting to the point where I am getting angry with him. I am tired of feeling like I have to change my way of thinking, my way I do things, just to be what everyone else considers normal. Noone has bothered to think that they are making things harder on me. Well that's the gist of who I am. Check the links to find out more about AvPD and OCD