A Soapbox of My Own

This is how I'm feeling right about now. It seems like there is absolutely nothing that I can do right or make people happy. Is this or is this not my space? I believe it is which means that I can put in here whatever my heart desires. The previous entry was a venting of frustrations with my dear hubby. It has been construed as husband bashing. In actuality, it was me expressing my feelings of how every time I open my mouth it just seems like something comes out wrong, and I know that is not the case, but it's how I' made to feel. For years I have made myself completely miserable in order to keep everyone close around me happy for the simple fact, that I can't handle anyone being upset with me. So usually whatevery is going on, I will cave in and agree with the other person even though I don't and then hide my own feelings from others. Just recently I've been getting the courage to speak up for myself and speak out on my feelings on matters hence the previous post. Well, I discovered tonight after coming home from work that that wasn't the right thing to do and that I was bashing my husband. With just this one comment, I have so many insecurities going on in my head right now that I doubt I will be able to sleep peacefully tonight. See, that's how AvPD works. I open my mouth, someone doesn't like what I say, I feel totally humiliated by them, upset, and like an idiot, that I end up just keeping my mouth shut and pretend that everything is hunky dory. Even though someone commented and expressed that they totally understood how I felt, everyone else's idea of my bashing my hubby will overshadow it and I will feel yet again insecure of my words, opinions, and feelings. Such is life with me. Later