There is one question in my life...

that I have contemplated over and over and still do not have an answer. What is my life path or purpose in life? Do you ever think about this question? I have thought about it off and on over the years but have really been thinking hard these past few. I have the book The Purpose Driven Life and started reading it but never finished. I have a bad habit of that. You know the "starting something and then not finish it". It's a constant rumbling in the back of my brain that doesn't let up, "what am I supposed to be doing?" I don't believe that my life goal was to be working at a dead end job paying off a bankruptcy for the next five years. In fact I know that's not what I should be doing. Deep down in my soul I know that there is something that I am supposed to be doing with my life, but I just can't seem to figure it out.

They say that usually you should do something that interests you. Well, writing, reading, playing around on the computer and Internet, video games, and photography are what interests me. Now what could I possibly turn into a career with those interests. I've tried studying photography under the NYIP courses, but alas never finished. The same with web design under Penn Foster Career School. I blame my work for not having the motivation. It's extremely hard for me to concentrate with the hours that I keep. My brain usually stays clouded and exhausted which causes me to have problems concentrating. I enjoyed both courses very much. I actually enjoyed the web design course more so. That is one thing that I had thought of. I would very much love to go back to school and study web design. With my working hours though that is just not possible.

I love to write. Words often dance in my head and I must put those "steps" down on paper. It's normally in the form of poetry although I have tried writing stories. Again everything falls under the "I start something but don't ever finish it". It would be interesting to try something freelance, but I don't know exactly what that would be or even where to look. I've toyed with the idea of trying to come up with my own online magazine about blogging. Wow two interests that I love doing. I also feel that this could be something that I would feel passionate about. My lack of confidence in myself holds me back on this one. It would seem a daunting task for me to take on by myself and I could ask people if they would want to jump on the magazine bandwagon with me, but I don't have the funds to pay said people for their time and service. Also, what would I write about, how would I come up with the design, etc, etc, etc. Doubts surround me enough that I would not attempt this.

So what's left for me to do? Do I stay working at a dead end job that leaves me wanting so much more for myself? I don't know. I'm hoping that maybe the thing that I am supposed to be doing with my life will somehow just fall from the sky right into my lap, and if that happens I plan to grow me a money tree right in my back yard. So now I pose the question to you. Do you ever wonder what your life path or purpose in life is to be?

Later