Tonight Was Interesting

It started out pretty well for it to be work. 1st shift didn't have to come in, so I got to walk into a somewhat empty building without any of the 1st shift depts. being in the way. I got to work in a clean area and on a clean line. It's not very often that something like this happens, but when it does, my anxiety level drops tremendously. So, you could say that I was actually having a pretty good day. It's nearing time for 2nd break, and we were doing rework. Everything was going according to normal until the supervisers told us to stop what we were doing and go on to break. Now normally this is irritating cause it was 15 minutes too early for us to be going to break, but crap happens, and I thought this was one of those moments. I was figuring a hydraulic leak due to everyone was having to leave the floor. It wasn't until I got near the double doors that the odor hit me. It wasn't a hydraulic leak. It was an ammonia leak. The smell took your breath away, but we were ushered to the break room where the air was much fresher. It is here that we were made to stay for about an hour and a half and not allowed to leave. At first, we thought that we would be able to go back to the floor and carry on with production, but as luck would have it, they told us that everyone (except those with a jack license) would be leaving the building. Alas, with me not having a driver's license, I had to stay and wait on my hubby who's jack driving skills was put to good use in helping to clear production floor. I didn't get to leave that place till about 1 am. Keep your fingers crossed that something like this doesn't happen again. Odds are that we may end up having to work this Saturday to make up for loss production time. You know, with as much as I complain about work, I have to say that the management did a very good job in getting us out of the ammonia smell to a safer area. This is the one time where you will hear me say, "Thanks, guys, for a job well done."

I Just Can't Be Satisfied

Well, I wasn't too happy with my space being used under a different MSN Passport than my original one. So, what do I do? Yep, I created a space under my original passport and then transferred everything over to here. So all of my entries are going to have the same date now, only under each posting I added a note telling the original date that I wrote it. This will be my permanent space for the simple fact that it's too much trouble to switch spaces and keep my entries. While surfing MSN Spaces I came across one that gave instructions on how to create a guestbook, hence, the weird blog entry. If anyone does actually take the time to read spaces, please feel free to drop me a little note as a "hello", and be sure to leave your url for your MSN Space so that I can explore yours. I like surfing blogs and checking out others templates, postings, photos, artwork, etc. While surfing I came across some interesting spaces, Tea and Bon Bons with Amy. She's listed under the Best of MSN Spaces. Every other day I check out her space and love to read her take on daily life. She has a very nicely designed space. She's the one where I found the link to make a guestbook. You can find that under MSN Space of the Day. He also has hints and ideas on many other things to personalize your space.

Oh, What a Day

Started out by having to wait on hubby at work till about 2 am. I then proceeded to stay up till about 5 am just goofing off on the web (must relieve the stress build up from the day). Got up and got ready to go to Wal-Mart to do the always fun grocery shopping. Then hubby and I wrestled with the new bed putting it together. After a few choice words and bumped knees we now have a new bed and it feels so good!!! Still working around my space and such. I will be adding more books on my list and possibly adding some photos if I can get up off my lazy butt and get them uploaded to the computer and sized. While waiting on dear hubby at work I managed to finish my test that I had been forever neglecting to do. Now I believe I have just to finish the practical exercise, and then I should be ready for my next module. For those that don't know, I am taking a home study course for Web Page Design. I enrolled at the Penn Foster Career School and am taking the Web Page Designer Program. I am the happiest when I have my nose in a book or at the computer. I decided to enroll in this program and hopefully upon completion maybe take on some jobs designing web sites for some extra income. While sitting here typing on the computer, I can hear the wind roaring through the trees. It's just a tad bit chilly in the house so I imagine it's pretty cool outside. We are having a light rain. I can tell it's light by the way the roof is leaking in the back room where hubby is at his computer gaming. It's just a slow drip. Usually when it's raining hard, the drips are more frequent and there are more of them. We have a pain in the rear for a landlord. Mom has repeatedly been asking him to fix the roof and he does. It's just that he doesn't fix it very well and it only lasts for awhile before the plop, plop of the leaks start again. We are discussing finding a new place to move, but where do we go and do we really want to fool with the hassle of packing up everything and moving it?

New Stuff to Play With

I discovered yesterday morning that MSN has added some new features for me to play with. I haven't really had a chance to look at everything. Right now I'm absolutely beat and need to get my butt in bed. When I get up, my Saturday will be spent getting groceries and probably working on getting my bed put together. I'll have to explore these features more late Saturday evening and Sunday. I've added my profile although I don't quite understand fully about the Live Contact thing. I may also work with my photos and add them also. I realize there is no sense in hiding from the person who misunderstood my previous blog at Blogger. So I will be adding stuff later on when I get more time.

Another Hard Day at Work

It's not that my job is hard, it's the fact that I have to stand on that damn concrete for about 9 hours. My feet, knees, and legs are killing me. And if that wasn't enough, I think dear ol' hubby is in the bedroom. Usually he doesn't come to bed until about 5 or 6 in the morning. Tonight of all nights, I think he is in there watching tv. I won't get any sleep till he decides to give in. I know I should have been to bed sooner, but I couldn't help it. I've been spending my time at MSN Games. I've gotten hooked on this little game called Zuma. The dang thing is addictive. I also play Bejeweled 2, MahJong, and TextTwist. Those are my favorites. I love passing off time playing those. I have got to call it a night. I don't think my legs can't stand it anymore sitting here.

I am Beat

Tonight was my first night back to work, and I can tell that I've been off for a week. I am beat. My feet, knees, and legs are hurting. All in all tonight wasn't too bad. Some people asked me how I was feeling and that made me feel good. Didn't have to wait on hubby either. I dread tomorrow though. My feet are going to be hurting so baaadd.

Lord of War

Okay, don't get me wrong. I love Nicholas Cage as an actor and I think he did a great job in this movie. As far as the plot goes, I have to say this movie sucked for me. Now, I'm an action, horror, thriller, fantasy, sci-fi type kind of girl. And it is very hard for something to keep my attention. Although I watched for the simple fact that dear ol' hubby picked it up while getting groceries, I have to say we could have saved our money and rented this thing. It was a little interesting, but it is definitely one of those where I would only watch it once. It just doesn't have that rewatch appeal.

To the Doctor Yet Again!

Can't ya tell that I've had enough. He at least gave me some ideas to try on different people. It still doesn't help the fact that I hate it at work. Oh to be at home with my nose in the computer. Is there a job out there where you don't have to deal with the people? I wish. At least according to Dan everybody's been asking about me. That's a nice feeling to know that I'm actually liked. We discussed the mishap with the blog. I in no way have any regrets or bad feelings. It's like I told him, my intentions weren't to insult and I didn't. Nor did I bad mouth anyone in anyway. I just simply vented my feelings is all. It's not my fault that someone misconstrues what I wrote. Want to know a little secret. That's exactly why I don't like dealing with people. Can't control them whatsoever. You say one thing and they take it to mean something else. Yep, that's the story of my life. Being totally misunderstood. Oh yippeee! I get to go back to work tomorrow. Like, I'm so excited. Not!!! I am so miserable at that place it's not even funny. C'est la vie, must have that green stuff in order to give it to everyone else.

Ghostly Shadows

In the dark of the night With a full moon up above Dark shadows fill us with fright Like the pain of a burned out love They glide on the darkened walls They walk with you up stairs They creep along cold halls For an unexpected person they scare Darkened shadows fill us with fear They came from nowhere in sight The bumps and crashes that you hear Are only you running in fright Just as soon as they appear in the dark They disappear with the morning light That burned our their darkened spark Only to come back at the break of night This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

Time for a Change

This is one thing that I love about blogging. Whenever the mood strikes you, you can just change your template to whatever you want, and, if you're not totally satisfied, just change it back. Well today has been one of those lazy days. Actually the whole week has been that way since the doc. ordered rest. My son has a friend over tonight, and they are enjoying passing the time away in front of the Xbox. Those things come in handy. Instant baby sitters for when you're not feeling well. However, that doesn't mean they are to be used for just plopping the kid down in front of it so the parent doesn't have to deal with him. I don't see how a parent can do that with their child. I like being around my son. We spend our weekends having movie marathons or sometimes we get out the board/card games and play. I couldn't imagine life without him. It's disheartening sometimes to check on the news and read about what a parent has done to his/her child by neglecting/abusing them. I honestly can't understand what would possess someone to do such a horrid thing to an innocent child. I hate to go back to work just for the fact that I will miss him terribly. I call him everyday on my breaks and it seems to help a little, but it's not enough. Secretly, I'll be glad when he's out of school for the summer. It's such a relief to see him waiting up for me when I come home from work. Most parents are irritated when the summer hits and school lets out. Not me! I can't wait.

Call to Daddy

Hello Daddy dear It’s us calling We thought you’d like to know That we’re doing fine But we still miss you much Even if we don’t let it show Don’t think we have forgotten The times we’ve had together If you don’t hear us mention your name Ten years have passed And things are different now But won’t ever really be the same Your little girls have grown up We’ve changed a lot And done things we wish you could have seen We’ve graduated from high school And I’ve given you a grandson If only you could be here to spoil him mean Well Daddy Goodbye for now We have to be on our way We just thought we’d catch you up And say we still love you We’ll call again another day This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

Well, This Weekend Sucked

Haven't posted anything for the past few days, and there's a reason why, too. I've been sick with the flu. It started Friday night at work. You know that tingling sensation you get in your throat and nose, like you're trying to catch a cold or that's what I thought it was. Needless to say I woke up Saturday afternoon with a 101 fever, body aches, and chills. I spent a miserable weekend. I just simply could not get out of bed. Sunday was a little better at least, but still had the body aches. Monday I had a doc. appt. and she told me it was the flu. She prescribed Tamiflu and lots of rest. Whoever invented Tamiflu, I could hug them right now. I'm tired and weak still but the yuckiest part has gone. She has me off till Monday so I get to relax at home for the rest of this week and get my strength back. So to everyone out there, be careful with your health.

At Last! The Weekend

Have to catch up. Haven't felt much like anything this week. I've had to wait on Dan for a couple of nights and when I didn't have to wait on him, I just felt yucky. You could say that I've been out of sorts this week. Sleeping is way off track for some reason. Do you know how hard it is to stay away on an assembly line? Extremely hard and it makes you miserable trying to fight it off. We got some snow tonight, and boy, is it blustery cold out. The temp says 32 but I bet the windchill factor is much lower. Tried playing the flute a little. Okay tried is such a strong word. It was more like sorrily attempted to play the flute. I managed to make a couple of notes. May try some more while I'm off. May also try to learn some Spanish too. It is so frustrating to be at work and people around you are speaking, but you can't understand them. Think I will call it a night for now.

The Therapy Session

I always love my therapy sessions (insert sarcasm here). It's always basically the same thing. I'm not going to get any better or change myself overnight. But I guess I must do what is best for me, right? Picked up meds for my high blood pressure and my ambien. I'm having trouble sleeping again for some reason. I've ordered a new bed and mattress in hopes that will help solve some of the problem. I'm at the point where I wake up tired even though I've slept through the night. I'm even back to falling asleep again in the car on the way to work. I can't take the ambien during the week due to work and needing at least 8 or more hours to sleep. I usually wait till the weekend where I can lay in bed until I sleep it out so to speak. Like right now. I'm tired, but as soon as I hit the bed I will toss and turn till probably around 3 or 4 in the morning. I would like to switch jobs and see if that helps by ridding me of some of the stress that I keep. Oh well, we all can't have what we want.

Catching Up...

Haven't posted anything for the past few days. Work's been okay I guess. For some reason, here lately, the people are starting to get on my nerves again. Don't know if it has to do with me stopping one of my meds or not. This is something that I will go over with my doc when I see her on my next appt. I've had to wait for the hubby the past few nights. He's had to stay late so I've done some reading, writing in my journal, and playing Spyro: Shadow Legacy. I absolutely love Spyro games. That's what I usually play as a stress reliever. I have just about all of them. Did the grocery shopping yesterday. Hubby took me out to eat at the Olive Garden. I love Italian. We basically just goofed off and had a good time. It's rare that we are able to do that. Usually we're arguing. It's nice to be able to relax with him for a change.

How Red the Rose

How red the rose you gave me on the first night we met. You had it all planned. You had it all set. You swept me off my feet that night. You brought joy to my life. I knew from that very moment that I would someday be your wife. How red the rose you gave me on our perfect wedding day. I knew I made the right choice with you. I didn’t want it any other way. We built a loving family with a girl and a boy. My heart was content. I was filled with everlasting joy. How red the rose you gave me on every special occasion. You turned every day into a wonderful celebration. We watched our children grow into loving people like you and me. We watched them become the best they possibly could be. How red the rose you gave me right before you walked out the door. How was I to know that you wouldn’t be coming home anymore? The bullet you took through your heart did more than take your life. It killed the soul of your ever-loving wife. How red the rose I gave you and placed upon your grave. I knew that I had to go on. I knew I had to be brave. I’m still missing you today. My love for you still grows. I’ll always remember, my darling, how red the rose. This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

The End of the Holidays

Well, it's the end of the holidays for me. Have to go back to work tomorrow. Work is a big pain for me and very depressing. I hate having to get up and go in. The people drive me nuts. Nothing much done today. Just laid around and goofed off.

What Makes a Good Blog?

I surf the net regularly. It's my stress reliever from the day's aggravations. I like surfing blogs to see what other people write, where they blog, and what kind of template they have. Now if you read a previous post of mine, you know that I am constantly criticizing myself and comparing my stuff to that of others. I constantly put my work down and say that it's just not as good as that other person's I read. The same with my blog. Now due to a little incident I can't post photos(or at least not for awhile)in case of recognition. So my blog just consists of my writings and links to other things. When I compare myself to other's blogs, I am constantly critical of my writing, my layout, my theme(template), my contents, etc. See how life is for me. So the question is, "What does make a good blog?". Is it political views? If so, I don't really have any. Is it daily living? If so, I considered my daily life blah, boring, and blassee'(sp?). Is it photography? If so, I don't consider myself a good photographer even though many people have given me compliments on my photos. Is it writing? If so, I do love to write, but yet again, I am constantly critical and comparing myself to others. I used to write all the time, but since my mental obstacles, my brain seems like it has just left the building. This is why I have decided to jump start my brain and get it back to working again. All my poetry that I have posted here is old stuff that I have written, but I am hoping that maybe it will give my brain a jolt to see/read it again. So is there really a code or guideline that you have to follow to make a good blog? I don't really know. I just know that I'm doing this for me. Does anyone else have an answer or idea?

Life Is A Long Road

Life is a long road A road everyday that I travel upon All the while from dawn till dusk And from dusk till dawn Life is a long road A road that I sometimes can’t understand A road that is rough and hard A road that is hard to comprehend Life is a rough road Sometimes full of hatred and pain That can turn into a beautiful day of sunshine Only to turn back into a cruel, storming rain Life is a learning road One that I travel to maturity A road that is so long to travel One that is full of lies but also sincerity Life is a long road A road everyday that I travel upon A road I sometimes can’t understand But I learn to travel on This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

A Little About Me

I started this blog without a description of who I am. I am a quiet type person. I've been this way ever since I can remember. I've always had a hard time relating and talking with people. I never dated in high school, never went to the dances, and never went to the prom. I've always been extremely uncomfortable with groups. I've always felt like I was being judged and could never fit in or wasn't good enough. I spent all of my life this way. Well after about 4 years of work, I kind of had a breakdown. I managed to go to the doctor and they referred me to a psychologist. Since then I have been on different medications and referred to another psychologist after the first left the area. I have been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) and Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder(OCD). It's quite a combination to say the least. I'm having problems with my hubby and now with the other blog where I vented some feelings, there are problems with the in-laws. The big problem is that my hubby can't accept who I am. He is constantly wanting me to do things that I am just not comfortable with. I'm not comfortable with driving. The other people on the road just drive me nuts. I'm always self conscious about how they think of my driving and I know that I shouldn't be. Also, when he introduces me to someone, he gets irritated when I make an excuse to leave. I'm sorry, but I have never been one for small talk. I feel like an idiot just standing there trying to think of something to say. And that's what the big blowup was on my other blog. I was irritated with him and wrote some things. Yes, I knew there was a possibility of his mom finding it but I wasn't worried cause I thought that I had them understanding things, but I guess not. I can't help it that I'm not comfortable around them. I can't help it that I feel like an idiot smiling like there is nothing wrong, when inside I am wanting to just get away because I can't deal with the situation. Anyway, I'm not worried if she's upset with me or not. My hubby is constantly upset with me and I'm getting to the point where I am getting angry with him. I am tired of feeling like I have to change my way of thinking, my way I do things, just to be what everyone else considers normal. Noone has bothered to think that they are making things harder on me. Well that's the gist of who I am. Check the links to find out more about AvPD and OCD

One's Arms to Hold

One’s arms to hold Are bands of gold That surround the frightened me I am but brave But the happiness I save Will soon be flying free One’s hands to care Give love to share That eases my pain within That’s aching and trying To muffle my crying Of my sorrow and dreadful sin One’s arms to embrace My awkwardness grace Of times that are hard to live But caring and trying Can keep me from dying So happiness is what I can give This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

Goodbye For Now

Hush, my dearest friend

Don’t cry for me
Shed your tears another day
I haven’t really left you
I’ll always be in your heart
And with you in other ways
You won’t see me anymore
Or hear my voice
Because my body will be gone
But I’ll leave you something precious
That you can always treasure
And to help my soul live on
Remember the times we shared
And also the heartaches
Of our time together that was true
When you feel your heart break
And you taste your tears
Please know that I’m thinking of you
I’ll be that inner voice you hear
When times are bad
To lift your spirits high
God has given me wings
To become your guardian angel
And I’ve learned how to fly
So don’t think of me as gone
I don’t really want to leave
And there’s still too much I need to do
So please wear a smile
Think of me always
And my memory will live on through you
Until we meet again…Goodbye for now






This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

The Road

We’ve each followed a separate path, And together we’ve come to a single road. We’ve stopped to wonder just where it goes. And what surprises it will hold. The paths we’ve taken have been far too long And much lonelier still, But we’re urged to move forward By an unexplainable will. We start walking on this single road. Both of us having the same thing in mind “Let’s not walk alone anymore” As I reach for your hand, and you reach for mine. Our journey will be much easier on this road Now that we have each other to make it through. We’ll take this road with courage and faith And make our dreams come true. This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

Catch a Falling Star

I caught a falling star And made my wish But you didn’t appear I threw the used star back Then dropped to my knees And shed my lonely tears I watched the other falling stars But didn’t reach out my hand To catch those little lights It would be of no use To raise my hopes And wish with all my might Those words are but a rhyme That someone made up To ease the lonely at heart I fell victim One too many times And wished for love to start My tears have stopped now So I wipe my face As I stand to meet the sky And yet again I go To raise my hand and catch Another falling star go by This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

Hidden Angel

She walks among the living The same as you and me But on her back she beholds Invisible wings we cannot see Her smile is a halo Bringing with it a warm glow She’s a face in the crowd That everyone should know She’s a hidden angel With God being her true guide A savior for lost souls Hurting everywhere far and wide Listen to her soothing words Let her pull you under her wing With her tender care she’ll give you peace And God’s praises you both shall sing She’ll spread her wings to take flight Carrying you with her under watchful eye Bringing you home toward the Heavens To those Pearly Gates in the sky Heed her words those lost souls A guardian angel is she A simple human among the living And a true friend she is to me This and all other works contained in this site are copyrighted©. No reproduction in any manner is permitted.

Happy New Year

Well, it's finally 2006. I hope and pray that this year turns out much better than last year. Last year was rough. I am dealing with my anxiety problems, my ocd, I lost my aunt, my hubby lost his aunt, my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer, now diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, and so much more. In my other blog I stated that this year I was going to jump start my brain. With where I work, my brain feels so sluggish and I feel like a zombie. It's making me miserable. I may not do everything, but I am looking into learning to sing, teaching myself to play the flute, get back into writing and my poetry and other things. I've always been an artsy type. I just never really indulged myself into it. Some of my writings I will be posting here. Keep watching.

Welcome to my World

Hello, and welcome to my world. I recently had to delete my blog that I had elsewhere due to something that I wrote. A person got offended and there was a big blowup. Disregard the fact that those were my feelings and that person had no right to get angry. So I've learned my lesson. I'm still going to blog my feelings and say what I feel, only now I've changed names and stuff. I will be adding stuff later on.